Live to Love ♥

God I hate this. There is nothing worse than loving somone so much and having no control over your destiny. To wonder if my husband will come home to me kills me. How many more times can we be lucky? How many more times 'till the mortars stop being "close" and take him away from me? God I cannot stand this! I am sobbing right now. The hurt over comes me when I don't want it to....the fear. And I'm sorry, but only the people who go through this same shit understand this. How it feels to have that ache in your stomach...to pray they don't come to your door dressed in Blues to tell you he isn't coming home. How I pray everyday that I never see that. PLEASE GOD BRING HIM HOME TO ME! I beg you...please don't take away my world...my love. I cannot live without him, I cannot do this alone. I hate these days...NO I hate all of these days...all of them! There hasn't been a good day since I had to drive away from that bus. And everyday will be total agony on me until I see him step off the bus that took him away from me....till I know he is safe for good. It's times like these I hate this life. I wonder if God will spare me the pain of losing him. I've lost so much...I can't bear to lose him too. I really can't even put my feelings into words right now....I'm so sad, I'm empty and lonely. I just want him home.....god I want him here right now, in my arms. 3 more months....I CAN do this. I have to ..I do not have a choice. Please God give me strength, give me the strength to wake up tomorrow and everday until he is home. Please watch over him, keep him safe....bring him home alive. That's all I ask, is for you to spare me any agony...please? I hate this... cannot say it enough. Please, who ever reads this......be thankful for your freedom. Be thankful that hopefully not all of you have to feel like this. And I know some of you that read this feel it to. And for that I'm sorry. I hate knowing that I'm not the only one who is terrified. Yet I take comfort in knowing that we can help each other. *sigh* Just another lonely night for me. Please pray for my husband and for all of the men and women over there defending our freedom. I know I am grateful, are you?