What do I think about this Deployment?

Well for the most part I think it can go to hell, lol! I figured it's time I really write something on here. Not just "oh yeah, I'll write something later when I get the chance." Nope I'm sitting here and writing, well typing really...something worth a damn. It's 2009! Ha, sorry. Figured I'd get that out in the beginning. But seriously? It's frickin' January of 2009. Mark comes home next month. Ahhh! Bloody fantastic.

This deployment has been completely different from previous ones. Different in good ways but also in bad ways too. I feel like I have been completely in charge of my emotions this time. Last time I was a wreck. I mean really, read all of my old posts and you can see how much of a mess I was. I don't know if it's been different this time because I'm a different person from then or what. I've grown and learned a lot since then. I have to say though that I was sure that I would be a crazy person this time. Especially after what I've been through with close friends in the past two years. And in the beginning I was scared, aren't we all though when our other half goes to a country where so many have given the ultimate sacrifice? If you answered that question with a "No" then you're lying to yourself. I was scared and worried, I still am. Those feelings won't go away no matter how much Mark says that country is a different place from the last time he went. No matter how much the death tolls have gone down and no matter the fact that only a couple of Disburser's have actually been KIA (all weren't even doing normal Disbo things in the country) Don't get me wrong, I'm sure it is a different place. Maybe it is a safer. But does that mean that I'm going to trust it and put my guard down? Hell no. I worry the nights that I know Mark is out there traveling in that country. I worry every day he is there and not here with me. Anyways, my point is that this deployment has been much different. I've had a couple of moments when I've broken down, the most recent when I discovered the whole bank card ordeal. That in itself is a whole 'nother blog, lol. But I've done good, I've been strong and I'm so proud of myself for it.


Hailey on the other hand, oy vey. She definately has her mommy genes in the emotions department. (And I apologize for that now Hailey, lol) Since the first hour of this deployment she has been a mess. Almost 3 straight years Mark was home. With 4 months or so of training and schooling, but he was home for the most part. Most of you know Hailey is a complete Daddy's girl. She loves this man with every fiber of her being. If something were to ever happen to him God forbid, she would probably fall apart. She has not handled this deployment well. At least 3 times a week she cries for Mark when I put her to bed. I cannot begin to describe to you how utterly heartbreaking it is console your baby who desperately wants her Daddy home with her. It's hard. She started acting out, not listening. Just being a turn in general, lol. I know that she's not necessarily doing it on purpose, but because she has all of these emotions in her little body and she doesn't know how to deal with them. I prayed to God at the start of this that he would have the time go by quick for us, or at the very least for her. I think he answered that prayer. When you're in the thick of it, it doesn't go by fast at all. But when you get through month after month and the days start to add up, you look back at it all and it has gone by fast. Thank goodness!

I can't wait to put this behind us and live a normal life together again. I hate it when it gets to the point where you forget what it's like to have your husband home. What it's like to not go to bed alone. Dinner's together, what's that? Adult interaction and conversation...welcome. Really though, we can't wait. So, so ready to have that amazing, handsome man home with me. First homecoming kiss, here we come. -♥